I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
