You just made me feel so damn special
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Randomize
