i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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