I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
