White coat. Heels.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
