You work out of a Hotel?
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
