he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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