Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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