my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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