this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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