I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
