I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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