He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
