He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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