ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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