Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
