All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
