Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
