They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
