he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
