Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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