she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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