Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
We smell like vodka and hangover
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