i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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