Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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