I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
