u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
