LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i think my cat just said my name.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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