Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
