It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Enjoy the penises
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
