Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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