She's like a pop up book from hell.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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