toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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