i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize