we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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