I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
