Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize