he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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