Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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