I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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