just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
