"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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