Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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