honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
