This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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