ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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