wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
