Your tits are I can't wait for
he fucked my hip out of place.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
