i wish peter jackson would direct porn
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Holy sore nipples Batman
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
