Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
