things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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