we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
