i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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