he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
