dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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