Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
