When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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