you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
