Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize