mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
