i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
