"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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