Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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