So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
