at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Let's get the cat blown out
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
You ruined the universe
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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