Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
