i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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