So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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